A Bright Sadness cont.

The Wedding

Selige Sehnsucht

In der Liebesnachte kuhlung,

Die dich zeugte, wo du zeugtest,

Uberfallt dich fremde Fuhlung.

Holy Longing

In the calm water of the love-nights

Who begot you, where you

were begotten,

A strange feeling comes over you

(Johann Wolfgang Goethe inspired by Hafiz)

Somewhere on the calm Indian ocean of the love-nights, between South Hampton and Cape Town in the rocking cruise liner, Athlone Castle, my water wings were created.

Home for Steve was Potchefstroom aka known as Potch. A small town on the banks of the Mooiriver, 120km from Johannesburg in the Northwest province.

Steve’s mom Ria, was taken with the shy German girl and (I am told), deeply concerned by this new development in her capricious son’s life. The extended family was surprised, but welcoming in the warmth of the traditional South African hospitality.

Fear of the bride -to- be bolting home must have been ever present in my dad’s mind. Without telling Margrit, he cashed in the return half of her ticket. Mom says: “Ouma Ria knew I was pregnant before I did.”

Steve carried secrets of his own. Margrit overheard a conversation on the eve of the hastily arranged wedding, between Ria and Steve’s sister Lettie. Steve was a serial monogamist. He had been married twice before.

Whoa… …What….Wait!!

I wondered aloud ”Why did you marry him?”

“ Remember that in those days unmarried mothers were not treated well. I had no support. I was young, and stupid, far away from my family.” She spoke about shame and the scandalous gossip of a small town. “I felt I had no choice.”

Ouma Ria once said to me: “Jou pa het moeilik groot geword.” He had a tough childhood. Growing up on a farm in Bothaville in the Orange Free state. A hub of agriculture until the great Drought and Depression. Between the two World wars. Crops withered, livestock died and banks called in loans.

His dad, Oupa Willem bought a taxi when life was no longer sustainable on the farm.

One day, ferrying 2 passengers, he overheard a conversation between them planning to commit murder. He promptly stopped the car and ordered the two men out. They killed him instead.

You can’t make this stuff up.

Pa Steve said little about his childhood other than mentioning being hungry and how Daisy the cow kept them alive with her milk. Listening to my Grandma telling me about my dad’s childhood, I heard the love in her voice, the sadness between the words and her longing for his happiness.

A fatherless 11-year old does the best he can with the life he has. He was clever and jumped grades at school. Imagine that? A few months into a grade and the teachers decide you know all the stuff and you can go to the next grade. Seems magical!

With hindsight I believe it did little to ensure a balanced outlook on life or help his emotional maturity. It goes some way into softening my own understanding of his impulsive choices and lifestyle.

The Bright Boy had issues. Dreams big. Talks big. His cars were big, his sundowner glasses like goldfish bowls. His coffee mug was enormous. Restlessness was his constant companion.

Dominee Beyers Naude, a Dutch Reform Church Dominee in Potchefstroom who could conduct the wedding service in Afrikaans and German married Steve and Margrit on 30th of August 1958. Beyers became renowned for his liberal views and increasing disillusionment with the Apartheid regime. He could no longer sustain the belief that it could be justified as a biblical truth and a ‘reluctant rebel’ at the age of 48 he left the church in 1963 and became a champion for the oppressed.

I wonder if hearing her mother tongue, helped Mom’s deep sense of isolation and sadness. The day all young women dream of, the one you would want your family and friends to gather as you exchange vows to have and to hold for ever…

tbc